Stuck in career
What next?
Dream not fully realized
I’m an educated classical musician with almost 20 years of studies and two master’s degrees, one in music and another in musicology. I was called and raised to be an orchestral flutist. I loved playing the flute and being part of an orchestra. However, in my life, I didn’t have many chances to be part of one. I worked very hard to finish my studies, taking every opportunity to play in orchestras or chamber groups. However, after finishing my studies, I felt very lost.
I took participation in some auditions for orchestra and realized that this process is for me very stressful and frustrating. Moreover, it cost me a lot psychologically, leaving me with a sense of hopelessness and it was diminishing my self-esteem🥲. In most of these auditions I felt quite a fierce competition and even if I was trained to stand pressure like that, this caused me a lot of stress from the very beginning.
In the last audition I took part in there was not even a curtain to ensure anonymity, the jury was nervous, with antypatical faces and stopping performance after a few notes. It was another audition that didn’t go well for me, so I felt quite bad after 😬. Already during the audition I sensed defeat and was shaking all over. I had traveled many kilometers, paid for accommodation and transport, only to be asked to leave after a few notes. I know that many musicians have to go through such auditions, but then, that day I felt that I had no strength to carry on. Subsequent auditions for vacancies that I found required paying for an accompanist, further financial sacrifices in the form of accommodation or transport. Moreover, that time my self-esteem was the lowest from years after previous audition trials, and my wallet was close to be empty. I had neither money nor motivation, something had died inside me. I stopped to take participation in auditions, even if I dreamt that I’m made for this job.
I was educated to be a teacher if I couldn’t succeed as a musician. But… teaching in the class full of teenagers or kids was absolutely never my dream 🙃—I even made some practices and it was very stressful and not so successful for me. I’m rather shy and introvert person and I just have troubles to imagine me in this role. About teaching instrument, I was never very interested in it too, I felt it quite boring for me. However, if I could choose, I preferred to teach teenagers, than kids. I made practices in teaching too, it went very well, but I never came back to this job. I never felt strong calling to teach, but of course is an option for me. I tried some interviews for teacher position, but I felt really unsure, what was maybe too visible 😅. Luckily I wasn’t forced to work in this profession just for the money like many of my colleagues.
Stagnation and the Fear of Moving Forward
With a sense of defeat, I accepted that probably I was not made for these two professions at the moment. It was kinda hard, because these two professions are rather expected for people after instrumental studies. Or you push career in orchestra or you go to teach. What more? I was psychically too weak to push auditions and I was afraid to teach, especially that this time I was already living abroad and learning a new language.
Was I a lost cause or a lazy person? I don’t think so! I was just a bit traumatized, very tired and disappointed this time, so I started to look for other opportunities because mentally I wasn’t able to push these two career paths. It was a time charged in life events.
I was looking for some amateur orchestras to just keep playing at least and after faced some rejections, I eventually found one! Yeah, we played 3 rehearsals… then pandemia hit and everything stopped🤪. And in time of pandemic stagnation and artists loosing their jobs, I started to wonder—what now? I was lucky that I didn’t have any economic problems this time, but I couldn’t find myself. I was living abroad (life changes and choices 🙃👩❤️👨), I didn’t know nobody, I wasn’t as much fluent in language of current country and I just felt me STUCK.
Internet career?
Then, the last a very stormy and funny stage of my search for my path came. I was trying to be an entrepreneur. First idea: I will be music influencer! Yes, like a lot of people this time! I even tried to make new instagram account and I tried, but I don’t know I didn’t feel it too. I felt like I should educate or entertain people by force. I tried and I stopped, I tried over again and I stopped, and I never continued 😅. This was frustrating too.
Another part of my trial was making online courses. My husband believed that I can be business shark and that I can make millions in selling things. And guess what, I felt it too, for a moment 🤣. I got expertise in marketing, SEO, and I wrote almost one complete course of rhythm and then I got burnt out and I stopped again 🤣. I gave up on the marketing side, when I needed to offer my things, find clients, be present everywhere, and there is where my shy and introvert nature didn’t help me at all 🥲. However, I still plan to continue this course. Are you interested in a rhythm Course?
Hitting a Wall: Realizing the Need for Change
So I found myself in a moment when it felt like nothing I had planned was working out, and it seemed like I didn't have the mental or emotional resources to keep trying. It was a very painful experience because, suddenly, you feel like you’ve hit a wall, or you just don’t have the strength anymore. In that moment, I realized I had two options: either break down and fall into despair, or find a way to push through and solve it.
Never give up!
Happily I still had a force to look for solutions 🙃. It took one year of deep insight in me and trying to recognize my strengths and weaknesses to help me to find the right path. At first I decided to return to music without pressure or expectations, just to enjoy performing and creating. This was a very important stage for me and perhaps I will develop it more in this blog someday.
I realized that I don't feel confident about my musical career. I love music more than life, and I even completed a second degree in musicology (another uncertain profession😅), but I'm not sure if I'll be able to support myself with it or if it will provide me with financial security. This fear of failure has paralyzed me from time to time. And then I was very afraid of action. So, I figured that in order to overcome this fear, I need to find something that will give me a sense of security.
Opening for new opportunities
This will bring me relief and finally free me from the existential fear that has been haunting me for years. Maybe by dedicating myself to something else professionally, I will finally be able to develop musically in peace. And perhaps I will feel more confident and motivated to pursue musical opportunities for work and growth.
All these considerations led me to think about changing my profession... Yeah! Scary but really. In other words, while I’m already a musician, musicologist, and teacher, I want to pursue something else that will provide me with a sense of stability. So, it won’t be a complete change. Rather, it will be an addition to my current professions. Many people consider this earlier and pursue studies in more practical fields, but I thought that teaching was already practical and mundane enough😅. I only didn’t consider that I will not find myself in this career path 🙃. Those were the mistakes of my youth😄.
This career path shift is not easy and has many consequences. In the next posts I would like to discuss all the aspects around this choice. I believe that this will help me to go through this process with understanding and confidence.
Not easy decision
Is such a decision easy for a musician with 20 years of education and experience? Absolutely not. There’s no discussion about it—changing career paths is something many people avoid, sticking to one chosen profession for years. I was doing exactly this. For artists, changes like this are especially difficult because they invest a huge part of their identity and passion into their work. There’s always piece of our soul in art; it is a deeply personal matter.
In the end, I realized that embracing a career shift isn’t about abandoning what I’ve worked so hard for; it’s about expanding my options and finding a path that allows me to thrive both personally and professionally. The fear of letting go of something I’ve dedicated my life to is real, but so is the excitement of creating a future that offers both stability and passion. This journey is ongoing, and in the coming posts, I will explore the concept of career shifts and the cost fallacy in greater depth, reflecting on how we can redefine success in a way that honors our experiences without being bound by them. I hope that sharing my process will not only help me find clarity but also inspire others who may be facing similar crossroads in their own lives.
Let it go!
The difficult process of embracing a career shift (the process that I’ve just started) isn’t about abandoning what I’ve worked so hard for, because whole knowledge and experience that I gained will be forever with me. It’s about expanding my options, learning new things, and finding a path that allows me to thrive both personally and professionally. The fear of letting go of something I’ve dedicated my life to is real, but so is the excitement of creating a future that offers both stability and passion. This journey is ongoing, and in the coming posts, I will explore the concept of career shifts and the cost fallacy in greater depth. I hope that sharing my process will not only help me find clarity, but also inspire others who may be facing similar crossroads in their own lives.
Your thoughts
I hope you found this helpful! Share your thoughts, questions, or experiences. Let’s connect on Instagram or YouTube and build a community together.
See you next time!